Monday, February 9, 2009

Sad

One of my little guys was admitted to the psych hospital today. I'm hoping its just a matter of getting his meds back on track. The kid couldn't sleep because his head was so wired while the rest of him was exhausted. Little guy has been moved around a bunch, but is finally in a good home. He is 10, but the size of a 6 year old which is a huge improvement over when he came back into care last fall (from a failed kinship permant custody/guardianship) and was the size of a 4 year old. Even though he is small he is on tons of meds for seizures and behaviors. I'd sure like to see him off some of the meds and on the right combination. Now that he is in a really good home, they've charted his cycles and really helped his behaviors so they started to decrease some of his meds.

Little guy has been diagnosed autistic, not sure thats completely accurate, but either way its difficult for him to let us know whats going on inside and how he is feeling. I feel sad about this kid. He's actually realy good natured and we can see him really struggling and trying to be good. I got permission from his Judge to put him on the adoption exchange to try and find him an adoptive home, even though TPR hasn't occured. The policy here is to not terminate parental rights unless an adoptive home is located. As reunification services aren't offered to the bio family, it kind of leaves little guy in a catch 22, but I'm glad his Judge agreed that we need to explore every option for little guy. Problem is that he has been moved so much in his life, and is in such a good home that I'm going to be really reluctant to move him, even to an adoptive home. This is probably the wrong perspective, but I'm a worry wart. Any homestudies forwarded to me have been from out of state and, not really set up to deal with a child with Little Guy's special needs and behavioral issues. I worry about not meeting the family, or being able to do a good transition etc. for the out of state families. I don't want to deny Little guy a forever family, but I definately don't want to set him up for a failed adoption either.

Either way I'm feeling sad about his case, as well as his older sisters. She has been in her foster home for over 4 years and so I'm not in a hurry to move her to a home for the same reasons. She also has special needs, and behaviors which are harder to work with then Little Guys'. I'll continue to look for adoptive families for both. Little Guy doesn't really get family and what it means, but is doing better at this. Sister has a connection with her bio family and would like that to continue (with her limitations she doesn't really understand adoption and sort of flipped out when we last talked about it 3 months ago and I really don't want to jepordize her current placement). Both kids have made good progress, but I always have a sense of saddness that they don't have real permanency.

Jack and Celia's mom did go to jail today. She almost didn't make it to court and when she did arrive she looked terrible. She told the Judge she had a change of heart this weekend that she didn't want to live this way. I hope she did have the change of heart, but she then admitted to using Heroine and Cocaine yesterday. Hmmm hope the change of heart came after she used! Now I'm left to decide what to tell the kids. Mom doesn't want them to know she is in jail. I don't want to lie to the kids. I'll staff with my supervisor tomorrow.

My supervisor is really great. She tends to be right when we disagree (which is annoying), but that doesn't happen very often. One would think I would catch on that she at times has more perspective since she doesn't get as wrapped up in the case as I sometimes do. I'm really glad that she is a hand's off supervisor. She really lets me just do my job and doesn't hassle me. I wouldn't be a happy camper if I felt that someone was always looking over my shoulder. I know of one supervisor that requires her workers to follow the 9-5 schedule, but that doesn't work so well for our job! She is also good at providing the extra support when I'm struggling with a case.

3 comments:

Lisa said...

On the adoption out of state thing please give it some thought. I HAD to adopt out of state because my state has a great disdain for single parents. The FM told me all of J's issues and I went into overdrive training to meet her needs. We worked out a transition plan and made it happen. Sometimes going out of state can broaden the horizons for a good family. Just a thought... Like right now I am trying to adopt again and every state will respond to me except my own. Grrrr.

You are doing a fabulous job and it's so encouraging to see the thought that you put into your cases. You give me hope!

motherissues said...

Interesting blog! I found you through Lisa's.

My partner and I just got certified with our state and had our first meeting with our own permanency worker. Our state, too, doesn't like to send kids farther away both because they think it makes the transition harder and because they have some program in place to try to get kids back to or near their home communities. I know they do out-of-state placements, but it's certainly going to be easier if we can work with people in our own part of the state, which is why our first focus is on kids who are quite local. But it must be frustrating for people like Lisa who don't have that option.

Torina said...

I have no idea what state you are in but please check out www.ampersandfamilies.org ...if only for reassurance that searching for permanency is the right thing for these kids. Imagine what will happen to them when they turn 18 and who will be there for them...

Also, please don't rule out families that don't have kids because, I know from experience, those families don't have any "normal" parenting experiences to compare these kids to. They are clean slates. Our first kid was REALLY difficult but wonderful. She was 11 when she came home. She has so many diagnoses, I can't even remember than all but lets include FASD, RAD, ODD, MR, and sexual acting out here to start. She is turning 14 soon and doing better than anyone could ever imagine. We had the time and energy (we are young and optimistic and stubborn, oh, and creative) to explore every possible option. Though my daughter had blown out of her last adoptive placement, and attempted to disrupt our family as well, we persevered and now are very happy. We also went on to adopt two more kids with special needs. It just takes the right family. There are a lot of determined parents out there who would be happy to parent those kids. I wish we had more space :) ...