Tuesday, March 17, 2009

breathe deeply

Last week sucked. Didn't feel much like writing about it and I was crazy busy. I got away for the weekend which was sorely needed. However, still have a lot of catching up to do.

Sister has burned her placement. She has been there for 5 years. I think this was inevitable, as the family had made it pretty clear that adoption wasn't an option. Hindsight is always 20/20 but I sure wish more had been done to find her permanancy while she was younger. Its sad, but cute younger kids are more likely to find permanent placements, so that shouldn've been taken care of as soon as the kinship options failed. Sister and Little Guy have special needs, so individualized permanency is their primary goal, but it sucks thinking of them eventually leaving care with no real family and so many special needs.

I was upset that foster mom didn't clue me in for 2-3 days on what was going on with her. I left a 4 minute long message to her consultant and then had to email her and appologize since I apparently needed to vent. Embarressed about it now. I sure wish foster mom had told me directly what was going on, but it all came down to just feeling so upset about Sister's situation.

She is really hard to place (which is to be expected), so I'm in a holding pattern with Sister at respite so she can keep attending her school, until I hear back from some agencies.

New case, lets call him Brian, gave me his word he wouldn't run again, not that I really believed him, but I was willing to give him a second chance. Foster family picked him up from detention at 7pm, and then promptly ran that night. His mom totally feeds into him and instead of calling the police, he convinced her to let him get some of his stuff and spend the night in exchange for turning himself in the next day (this was a day or two after he ran) he then ran off from her. Suprised? Well he is back in DT, and the next step is a residential placement out in the middle of no where. Just keeps making stupid choices, but perhaps he can get caught up with his education and work on some of his other issues.

Jake and Celia's mom had a dirty UA. Their placement is temporary so I'm not sure whats going to happen if the parents don't seriously get their act together. I think they will probably go to an out of state kinship placement, but don't know if the judge will go for that while we are still doing reunification services.

My team has started COW awards several weeks ago. At our weekly staffings, we each share a story from our caseload over the past week, and then vote for the case of the week. I made up a certificate with funny pictures of cows and if anyone asks its for caseworker of the week. It makes it kind of fun, and gives us much needed laughs. So many crazy things out there! I'm greatful that my cases are relatively calm right now. I'm still really upset and feel like a failure over Sister, but have to have some faith that things will work out. I continue to tell myself to breathe.


Lisa said...

Glad to hear from you.

Keep breathing....things will work out.....

Tudu said...

My heart goes out to Sister and Little Guy. They really pull my heart strings. I hope you are able to find a permanent home for both of them.

SocialWkr24/7 said...

I know exactly how it feels to try not to feel responsible when a placement has to change. It sucks. I have no great advice - just wanted to let you know someone else has felt that way.

And, I love the COW awards!

Brenda said...

I am so amazed by what you handle! It was good for me to read this tonight. I have had a rough week with my emotions going everywhere worrying about Baby A and now having my heart tugged by "little Edwards" parents. They are doing so great so far and yet the world seems to be against them. I am praying they stay strong. But what you see everyday beats what I go through. I think you should go get an iceberg shake! :) sugar is always the fix right?

Sweetikins said...

Jan 24 2010

My husband and I are on the wrong end of horrible situation. We were Kinship Placement for our grandaughter. She is 6 1/2 years old and has just removed from our home where she spent 2 months with us. I believe this newest one is her 7th foster home. She tells us of the abuse she received while in one of them. Our granddaughter of course has been molested more than once, as have most foster kids.

Our mentally ill and Rx and illegal drug abusing daughter had told us and her daughter she was going to give up her rights. It was recommended by her lawyer that we get a private attorney and file for a private adoption, which we did. St Francis was thrilled about the adoption and backed it one hundred percent to our faces. Our granddaughter's counselor and St Francis said we were doing wonderful with our grandaughter.

We were fools to believe she would actually go through with letting us adopt her special needs daughter. Since our granddaughters birth, our daughter has promised lots of people they could adopt her. Some of them believed it, but we were the only ones who actually filed.

When our daughter found out she was not going to be allowed by us to continue to have unsupervised visits on both Sat and Sun every weekend, while her law breaking friends who aren't able to pass back round checks, visited her house and played with her daughter, and she would not be allowed to go to the school and have lunches with her daughter and continue to have the same visiting rights as before the adoption or many many more 'rights'. She thought she would have her daughter for the entire summer and four days a week, saying "It will be and open adoption and it will be just like a divorced couple", she changed her mind.

When we went to court very shortly after her mind change, she told her lawyer she NOW wanted to "work the program" and get her daughter back. She may have been clean for about four days by that time. The judge gave her four more months to accomplish her goal.

St Francis came and took our granddaughter away from us and put her in another foster home. I guess, as I listen to the tidbits different people in the system give me, it may have been because she was too happy and was feeling too secure in our stable and structured setting, causing divided loyalties which had to stop for her mother to have accomplish her goal. We had told her she was never going to another foster home and she would live with us until she was grown. She kept saying "I want to live with my mom." Our daughter had said, as documented by the person who took our granddaughter form her mom's home, "I might as well kill my daughter." This statement was made just before she was hospitalized with needle marks found on her body.

St Francis said we were 'sabotaging their reintegration'. The adoption was supposed to be filed for and the papers were supposed to have been signed by her mom to avoid the court hearing at least a week before the hearing, so the hearing was never supposed to happen. We feel very sabotaged by our own daughter.

This will now be the fourth school system our granddaughter will be in this year. How can all of this be in our granddaughter's 'Best Interest?' Our daughter has all the rights and our grandaughter has non and is forced to suffer now even more because of her mothers continued poor choices.

I want to file a law suet against someone, and I am dealing with my many strong horrible feeling regarding the matter. I fear greatly for my grandaughter. I Pray for us all.