Friday, May 15, 2009

back to bloging

Haven't posted in awhile because I've been sick, sick, sick. feeling better now, but still have the left overs of this cold plus seasonal alergies. nice. Truth be told I actually enjoyed not being at work, even though I was miserable.

Nothing earth shattering occured while I was sick which was nice. I had a couple of foster parents complain about their foster child's therapists. One is a newer foster parent in this area and doesn't realize that her child is with the best agency in the area. The other foster parent should know that a therapist isn't going to solve things, and her child is with the best therapist of a different agency (and has been with that therapist for like 4 years)... In both cases, what upsets me most is that if there is a problem with a professional, its good to let me know about it, but please bring it up directly with the therapist. With both of these kids we are trying to teach them to not manipulate or triangulate. Wouldn't it be good to show the kids how we do this? Both of the therapists in mind are very professional and are going to either work it out or be ok with changing therapists. I just hate being in the middle.

Celest is not doing so well. She is on respite in the middle of nowhere because her priorities are so screwed up she got suspended from school. We had a team meeting the day before and she promised she would attend every class and get caught up. But it was pretty obviouse that she wan't that committed. She might be able to go out of country for a visit with a former foster sister who is also willing to be an adoptive placement. She flat turned it down, but earlier had said that would be cool. We all think there is a boy. That seems to be what really gets her into trouble.

Greg is also still totaly screwing up. He got suspended from school again for a fight. He also has been stealing stuff again. One of the agreements for him to not go to DT last time was to work hard in therapy, which meant writing in his thearpy journal everyday. Well thats not getting done either. I just don't know what to do for him at htis point. Fortunately his foster family still is thinking about adoption.

A lady has contacted me about adopting sister. Thats great, only I think this lady is not playing with a full deck. I guess we'll see what happens. Speaking of that, I don't know if any of you have run into this, but it seems that many foster/adoptive families have issues. Maybe its just me but it seems that some foster families are "client-esk". Ever ran into the fact that it seems many therapists could use therapy themselves? In saying this I realize that doing foster care is enough to make anyone crazy, but some families seem to start out already halfway there. I'm sure any of you reading this are the normal ones :)


Snarky Mom said...

I had to laugh. You'd be surprised at how many of them were normal before they started fostering. Believe me, being a foster parent will drive the most balanced person insane. We used to joke that they should just go ahead and hand out a prescription for Prozac with the annual licensing packet. It would save time for all of us.

But we did run into a few that were way out there in the twilight zone. Some seemed normal at first then the craziness started shining through. Scary.

David G. Markham said...

Great to see you back and I am glad you are feeling better.

Foster parenting as is providing psychotherapy as is providing child protective services is extremely difficult work that often goes unacknowledged in our culture. Everyone figures it should just come "natural" but there, interestingly, is a lot to it.

Motivations to get into the work on all fronts needs understanding and management or its get people into deep and serious trouble sometimes. I don't know whose job it is to explore the providers motivations and help the person with their counter transference issues, but it is well worth the effort if good clinical supervision, consultation, and training is available.

In part of the country, the big problem is that CPS workers are poorly chosen and trained, and therefore foster parents suffer from incompetence and malpractice, and as a psychotherapist I wind up trying to manage both which I don't get paid for.

As a family therapist I try to include them when possible but splitting gets to be a problem if the child and family worker is telling the foster family one thing and I am telling them something else and the poor kid is having a lot of difficulties to begin with not trusting anyone.

So, my take on it, is there is enough craziness on all sides to go around but that is not really the problem, it is a system which is underresourced and undercoordinated and undertrained and under clinically supervised.

I appreciate your bringing up the issue in your excellent post.

All the best,

David Markham

Deborah said...

hehehe...I'm glad you think some of us foster parent readers are 'ok'! I always wanted to make a little music video on the progression of a foster parent over the years. It would start out with some happy song that represents the rose colored glasses, I can save the world idea, then progress to a fostering version of 'Fight On Manitoba!'(which will mean nothing to anyone outside Manitoba, but it's a rant about surviving our weather, put to the tune of Pomp & Circumstance) then to songs like 'They're Coming To Take Me Away hahahohohehe,' then maybe end with 'Take This Job and Shove it!'
I figure it would be a great training video for new foster parents. One day when I have spare time I'll have to work on it!Yeah, right.
Sorry didn't mean to turn this into a post...but come to think of it. I should!!

Susan said...

Well I read you blog but I'm pretty sure I'm a little loopy!