Saturday, January 31, 2009

Start

I'm creating this blog as an outlet for myself. Who knows where it will lead, but I'm just needing a place to vent; perhaps mostly sorrow and anger, but maybe joy that I can't share elsewhere.

I sometimes feel I lead a double life. I think I'm a fairly nice person, but I found myself, through God's direction, in the role of the "evil social worker" (hence the name of the blog :). I do admit sometimes I find it really funny when people ask what I do for work and when I reply they get this look on their face. Funny how when that happens the subject changes pretty fast! Every once and awhile when people ask what I do for a living I reply "steal children." Probably not a good idea, but it makes me laugh inside to see their faces. Several clients have told me thats what I do so I guess its not totally inaccurate. I'm actually not a CPS worker so I don't do that many removals, thank God! But I'm intimately connected to the process so I think its an ok answer when I need a laugh.

Speaking of that when people ask where I work I often reply with the location of my office which I know is not what they are asking but is easier then saying it. In my state I'm referred to as a permanency worker which means both in home and out of home cases. Mostly right now I have out of home (ie foster care). I actually prefer those to in-home but can comment on that someother time. I've been hired on for a little over 3 years which is practically forever in my field. Its sad but I've been on just about the longest in my group. I'm worried too because this past couple of months or so I've been feeling the effects of burnout (actually if I'm honest since about October 08). Everyone goes through that, and I've felt it before but I usually get out of it after a couple of weeks or months. I always told myself that if I got to the point where I wasn't effective I would find a new job. I feel very strongly about doing this job "right" which to me means caring enough to do the hard things. I'm stuggling right now to find the energy to do that and the caring is dulling. Just typing that is allowing me to cry a bit right now. I'm not much of a cryer, so perhaps this blog will help get me out of my pitty party. Thats part of the problem because I feel soooo stupid pitying myself when those I work with have it sooooo much worse. My life is a blessing and I forget and feel bad for myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know.

I'm going to be really careful so as not to give info that could comprimise my anonimity, the confidentiality of the families I work with, etc. However, those who know me can probably recognize my "voice" and I'm not sure I'm clever enough, nor have enough energy to do it different. So if you think you know me please please still try and keep things on the "down low"


ps. I'm a horrible speller and don't have the patience for spell check so if anyone reads this just know that its one of my MANY shortcomings but not one that I'm particularly worried about :)

4 comments:

FaerieMama said...

First, I love the name of your blog -- it cracks me up! I'm one of the few people I know who actually has had mostly very positive experiences with SW, so I like them! lol. I agree with everything you posted on my blog, but I also think there are many parents who adopt internationally that go in with their eyes wide open, but are just not informed enough. International adoption agencies do a HORRIBLE job of preparing parents for the inevitable upheaval their lives will experience. I know it's different with foster care. Anyway, welcome to the world of blogging!

~Keri (aka FaerieMama)

Lisa said...

Found you via Keri and am so glad. It's so nice to know that there are workers out there working for our kids. Please don't give up and give out. Our kids need people like you on their side.

Susan said...

Thanks for following me. I'm glad I started reading at the beginning. I love to get a worker's perspective on things.

Oldqueen44 said...

I have to admit I am now probably one of those people who give a look when the word SW is used. My daughter has been fostering for the last several years. As a result I decided to get certified to do respite. I couldn't stand the thought of the foster kids going some place else while the grandkids were being brought to my house. Last year I got in a dispute with the agency and decided I couldn't work with them any longer. Thankfully the kids are being adopted now so I can see them anytime I want.
You have a very difficult job and I admire that you want to do it well. My experience was that there were many self righteous individuals in that line of work. Maybe it is what is needed to do the hard tasks at hand. I would love to still be helping with the foster kids but I can't deal with the agencies. Probably my loss.