This week I went to a meeting with foster parents. I actually enjoyed it very much. Its good to get another perspective, and hang out with some people who aren't completely jaded with the system....yet.

There was one family that related a horror story where their caseworker was determined that that family should not have the kids. It was so bad, that I wondered if it was completely accurate. Don't get me wrong, I know some workers in my region sare pretty ineffective, and somewhat incompetent. This makes me really mad and I think they should be fired, but as its a government agency, thats not going to happen. However, with that said, I've yet to meet anyone truely evil (other then myself of course, being the evil social worker) with bad intentions, and trying to harm the kids.

I looked up this case. I know this worker. This worker is more bio family oriented then myself, giving parents more chances to get things together then I would, but we both work within the same system and policies, so its only on the really gray cases that we would recommend different outcomes to the court. In the case, its pretty obviouse that this worker did everything she could to help the bio family get their act together,. However, they failed and she did move onto the concurrent goal of adoption.

I don't know where the disconnect happened between the worker and the foster family. The logs weren't that clear but from emails back and forth it appeared that there was mutal respect, and pretty good communication for most of the time the kids were there. Several times the worker suggested resources, and helped the foster family with these children going through normal (for foster children) behaviors and reactions. This isn't to say that these behaviors are easy to deal with, but you can't expect children who have been abused, neglected, and now going through loss and grief (due to removal and foster home changes) to not have issues after visitation. In this case the therapist was pretty ineffective (I've worked with that one before and can state this for a fact), and so didn't help teach the family what works well, what to expect, or to recommend changes for visits.

From the emails it appears the foster parents were struggling. At one of the court hearings it appears the foster parent went way overboard. The records don't say why the kids were moved to another foster home, the one in which they were adopted. I can guess though.

I've struggled with several foster placements. I've tried to help foster families that say they want the kid moved, but everytime the fix only lasts a couple more weeks (month at the max). Now If they say they want the child out, I hear it with resignation because there is no point in trying any more and find a home as soon as posible. But, I've usually known it was coming.

I've had other homes struggle, but not ask for the kid to be removed. I've gone onto adoptions with several of these and its hard for me to tell the judge that i believe adoption to this family is in the best interest of the child. If its hard now, just wait until this kid is a teenager! Things aren't magically solved with an adoption. Re-entry to care is the last thing anyone wants. But, moving a child is also horrible. Whats the best way to go?

I had one foster mother call me up overwhelmed again and again. I worked with her, her consultant worked with her, the therapists worked for her. It just wasn't a good match. She had difficulty being supportive of reunification services (hey, for that matter so did I, but thats where its at), didn't like the kids' hyperactivity after visits, had difficulty getting the kids to their many appointments, etc. Things got worse as the kids settled into her home, and she attributed it to visits (it could've been, but I also felt that the kids were coming out of the honeymoon stage). The last time she called me up I told her it was time to move the kids. This was a long conversation, but there was some relief to her voice. I made arraingments. That night she calls, crying not wanting to move the kids, but telling me its up to me. I told her we will plan on a weekend visit with the new foster home, respite if you will. Halfway into the visit she calls me, crying saying she doesn't know what to do, she wants the kids, but not sure she can handle it. Tells me about all the health problems she is exeriencing due to the stress from parenting these kids, etc. I told her its not up to her, this isn't a decision she can, or should make. The kids are moving, but she will be their respite. This gives her some relief. A week later her consultant is calling me telling me that she wants the kids back, and that I should never have removed them from her home. Oh boy.

Perhaps in the other case, the foster parents continued to make remarks that concerned the caseworker. They weren't that suportive of reunification, and created big problems at team meetings. They also frankly crossed the line at court. (when the Judge asks for an update of the kids, just give him that, you can include concerns you have for the kids, but don't give your opinion about the parents to the Judge). Share your concerns with the GAL, share them with the caseworker, share them with your consultant, share them with the kids' therapist. If nothing is getting through talk to supervisors, get your own attorney if necessary, but also check in with others to make sure you aren't just having the wrong perspective or something (and by the way, often I give the birth parents enough rope to hang themselves by letting the case take its course. Then there is no question at the end of the case, nothing that the parents can appeal,e tc)

I just had a team meeting where foster parent was mad at perspective adoptive parent. Bio family has sided with foster parent as they don't want anyone adopting their child. Adoptive parent pushed the issue and I've been trying to tell them to just hold on, don't make waves, don't antagonize people. They aren't even licensed yet, so the child couldn't be placed with them even if I wanted to today. Once they are licensed the child will be placed with them full time. So please, please, please don't fight over visits right now. The bio family has demanded visits on the days you wanted the child, but eventually their rights will be terminated and we won't even have to have this conversation. Meanwhile foster parents, bio family, etc get a nasty feeling towards the potential family and it makes everything much, much harder.

Oh boy I've been on a rant. Don't even let me get started on visits.

it seems I've stagnated. in this blog, in my job. I just want people to stop calling me, stop having problems, stop complaining, stop messing up, stop acting criminally, stop expecting something different, and on and on and on and on. I just want to stay and work in my garden.

Even when something dies or doesn't do welll, I can either just pull it out or get something new. Its just a lot more rewarding!

It just seems that it never ends, and is getting somewhat repetative.

visitation issues between foster family, bio family, posible adoptive placement for Sister. saw it coming but there is nothing to do about it as everyone plays their roles out. Continued visitation issues on several other cases.

Two new PSA cases where the families are new, but the excuses and blaim game are all old, and tired. Its everyone else's fault, they don't really have a problem, they are great moms, etc, etc, etc.

One young mother bent on self destruction, she doesn't really want to be a mom, why doesn't she stop pretending and stop waisting everyone's time and energy.

Teens continuing to make poor choices and stay on the path their birth parents were on, the parents that put them on this path.

relapses and excuses in a couple of drug court cases. Families falling apart.

back to bloging

Haven't posted in awhile because I've been sick, sick, sick. feeling better now, but still have the left overs of this cold plus seasonal alergies. nice. Truth be told I actually enjoyed not being at work, even though I was miserable.

Nothing earth shattering occured while I was sick which was nice. I had a couple of foster parents complain about their foster child's therapists. One is a newer foster parent in this area and doesn't realize that her child is with the best agency in the area. The other foster parent should know that a therapist isn't going to solve things, and her child is with the best therapist of a different agency (and has been with that therapist for like 4 years)... In both cases, what upsets me most is that if there is a problem with a professional, its good to let me know about it, but please bring it up directly with the therapist. With both of these kids we are trying to teach them to not manipulate or triangulate. Wouldn't it be good to show the kids how we do this? Both of the therapists in mind are very professional and are going to either work it out or be ok with changing therapists. I just hate being in the middle.

Celest is not doing so well. She is on respite in the middle of nowhere because her priorities are so screwed up she got suspended from school. We had a team meeting the day before and she promised she would attend every class and get caught up. But it was pretty obviouse that she wan't that committed. She might be able to go out of country for a visit with a former foster sister who is also willing to be an adoptive placement. She flat turned it down, but earlier had said that would be cool. We all think there is a boy. That seems to be what really gets her into trouble.

Greg is also still totaly screwing up. He got suspended from school again for a fight. He also has been stealing stuff again. One of the agreements for him to not go to DT last time was to work hard in therapy, which meant writing in his thearpy journal everyday. Well thats not getting done either. I just don't know what to do for him at htis point. Fortunately his foster family still is thinking about adoption.

A lady has contacted me about adopting sister. Thats great, only I think this lady is not playing with a full deck. I guess we'll see what happens. Speaking of that, I don't know if any of you have run into this, but it seems that many foster/adoptive families have issues. Maybe its just me but it seems that some foster families are "client-esk". Ever ran into the fact that it seems many therapists could use therapy themselves? In saying this I realize that doing foster care is enough to make anyone crazy, but some families seem to start out already halfway there. I'm sure any of you reading this are the normal ones :)

May already

I can't believe it is already May. Where did April go? I've been busy, but nothing too exciting, just normal caseworker kinds of things. Busy and stressful, but nothing unusual. I got a new case and main issue is truancy. Not sure it should be a child welfare case, but it is indicative of more going on in a home. In this case substance abuse seems to be part of the issue. The judge came down hard on them on the contempt hearing. It was good to see actually. The case could be pretty time consuming so I'm glad its before my favorite judge.

Suzie is having issues in her placement. I sure hope we can get her to make this work. Its difficult when a teen is bound a determined to fail. This leads me to Celest. Oh boy she is totally checking out of school. I'm glad her attitude at home is good but she is headed down and I'm out of ideas. In her mind ageing out of the system is failure, but she doesn't want to see if there are adoptive families out there. I can only imagine the feelings of rejection she has every day, and understand why she wouldn't want to set herself up for more disapointment. But its heartbreaking to see someone with so much potential waste it. Her life has literally been hell, but she has survived. She definately has issues but also has a tremendous amount of potential and strength.

Jack and Celia are headed out of state for an extended visit with maternal grandparents. ICPC didn't come through yet but I did talk to the CW in that state and she indicated that they passed the background check and initial walkthrough. The judge okayed an extended visit so hopefully that covers my but enough. Dad is still in jail, mom is doing ok in treatment and has found a house so in a month the kids should be able to do a trial home placement. Keeping my fingers crossed.

For my "L" kids adoptive mom relinquished her rights and there is a court date for adoptive dad in a couple of weeks. Hoping to get the paperwork and everything together for a July adoption to bio mom and her husband. This has been a strange case! This is one I feel good about, and I haven't really had to do anything on it. I can't believe how different those kids are. They still have work to do in therapy but have come amazingly far. Just goes to show how critical those first years are. Kids are amazingly resiliant when they were properly cared for as infants and toddlers. Even though things are going to turn out well, the picture of those kids in the hospital still haunts me. The thought that I would've never known the boy except from an obituary...

On a lighter note we are being furlowed. Not sure when it will be or how long. They are thinking 30-40 hours worth. Its not going to affect me that much, but there are a number of workers who are the sole breadwinners for their family, and live paycheck to paycheck that are going to be hard up. The foster parent rates are being reduced, and we are still out of money. I don't know whats going to end up happening.

I think I have pig flu! well I have a cough and I'm tired. Ok probably not pig flu. If I really did I wouldn't have to go to work :)

not bad

Been awhile since I posted anything, but things are going pretty good. Found a good home for Suzie when I was disparing of finding anything to meet her needs. The home has been fostering awhile, but not kids like Suzie. The fostermom seems on top of things and is geting some extra training so it should work out. At any rate finding this home is a huge relief!

My mom stopped by on her way through the state to take my little sister to college and I had just completed a home visit in a pretty large family with bio children and foster boys. My mom was suprised that anyone with young kids would take on teens. I guess I just take it for granted. Its a good thing some families do this otherwise most of my teens wouldn't have homes. I think its more of a personality and home set up that makes fostering work, not having an 'ideal' situation whatever that is. However I do worry that someday the supervision will slack a little as they become complacent and one of the little kids will be at risk. Its something I always worry about.

Sister is still doing well in her home. In this state there are some agencies that primarily use foster homes of a minority. These homes are generally awesome. The one problem I see is a language barrier. Most of my kids are Caucasions (ok currently all are) and speak only English. I only speak English and sometimes its hard for the families to understand what I'm saying. I just had an issue with trying to figure out a perscription, pharmacy, medicaid situation that I'm still confused about. I asked the agency to look into it as I don't think the family understands what I'm asking or recommending. This is frustrating, but if the family works out for Sister, then its the least of my worries.

Little Guy continues to do really well. I feel that now his agency and home are going to be able to really work with him as he is more aware and responding well to people. He will always be a bit quirky (high functioning autistic or maybe aspergers) but everyone that works with him -including me- really falls for the guy.

Jake and Celia's dad is back in jail for relapse, so is Jamie's mom. Actually those two "hooked up" in rehab and relapsed together. so wrong on so many levels including they are both married. I heard that rehab is a good dating service....

Jake and Celia are likely going out of state on an "extended visit" with maternal grandma since I haven't gotten the ICPC back. that process is sooooo slow and cumbersome. this gives their parents another month to try and have some stable housing and progress in treatment. sure hope they do as these kids want to be with their parents, more so then others I've worked with.

Mike's case continues to drag on. Team meetings are ridiculous. I really should rotate the case. Its my longest case (went to drug court for about 4 months in the middle) and I got it right after i finished training. I feel that someone with a new perspective might be better, but we have trial in August and so it doesn't make that much sense to switch it off. I hate transitioning cases. I feel such responsibility (and a bit proprietary) about my cases, but sometimes its a good thing. The problem is that I know if Freeda's case had gone to another worker she would've gone home instead of TPR and adoption. However proving me right is that the Freeda's (and Greg's) mom is relapsed and in jail AGAIN and so I feel that I made the right choice by staying on as the "evil, baby stealing, controlling" case worker that I am.

With Brian's case closed and more budget cuts I'm getting at least one new case sometimes soon.

better mood

So I think I was just really onry yesterday. My coworker was really greatful for my help and gave me a hug and then a cupcake. I'm not real demonstrative but appreciated the sentament. The cupcake was very tasty, so apparently I'm easily bought by some chocolate lovin.

I also was able to get more done on my garden because I got some help. The others in my home aren't really garden savy, but I'd already marked out where I needed holes dug and had more then one shovel. I ordered way too many plants from some of the cheapy catalogs, and they all came at once. I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere. I was extreemly proud of myself for not stopping to buy more today. i have a problem i'm willing to admit it, but not really do anything about it. I work with much worse addictions everyday.

I helped out another coworker today with some other documents. I found I'm much more motivated to do others' work then my own. I'm a master procrastinator for my own stuff and so doing someone else's work is great because then it seems like a legitamit way to put off my logs. unfortunately that backfires on me regularly.

Sister is finally getting enrolled in school. Can't locate a new foster home for Suzie, well found a couple of homes but none are a good fit. Suzie's mom and dad appear to be trying to work things out and get mom's mental state back under control.

Very worried about Jake and Celia's case, because their short term placement is coming to an end, but parents aren't in a place to take care of them yet. This one is getting way stressful.

Heard from the daughter of one of Celest's placements that they would be interested in adopting her, now that Sophie isn't able to pass a homestudy. I'll talk to Celest about it, but I think at this point she is ready just to move on to independent living programs. Nonetheless its got to be better knowing that people out there want to help her.

Held court for the L kids and something good is half way to happening. Its a strange case, but its going to be a happy ending. These kids were horrifically abused and almost didn't make it. Well the 2 older ones almost didn't make it. They are all recovering but the youngest will probably have the most long term damage because she was made to have a hand in the abuse. That is almost more horrifying to me.

Ashton's mom is writing more crazy emails and making life difficult for my supervisor and the foster mom. She has so much hate and anger towards me that she doesn't deign to communicate with me. Unfortunately for her, I'm actually rather grateful! Also, she was TPR'd (Ashton was wanting to be adopted, but changed his mind during the forever appeal process and as he is an older teen he gets to decide that) so I don't really worry about what she says.

ups and downs

Little Guy is doing so much better, better then I've ever seen him before. He is still funny and quirky, but he was interacting more with me and the other kids, and his smile could've lit up the world! Its amazing how much meds can help kids, and can really screw them up when their off.

Sister although bored is doing fine so far in her new placement. They let her set up an email account and she is really enjoying that. I figure it can only help her writing and reading so as long as they monitor it its great. Funny thing about sister is she only calls me after 8pm. I answered the first few days after placement, but now I'm not happy with this pressadent.

Then their are the other clients who habitually call me after hours, Saturdays and Sunday, who aren't low functioning... ok maybe I should rethink that statement.

Poor Suzie is having problems. She has done so much better regulating her emotions and everything these last two weeks. Then her foster home broke the news that they are moving and I need to find a new placement asap as they don't know when they will be leaving. ok. so I talked with the consultants and explained what I'm looking for... I would like to order Basically the same foster home, thanks. But they were fresh out. I do have some options and will see what turns up.

The other situation for Suzie is her mom left her dad and took the brother with her. Actually Suzie has it a little easier because she is in a stable home, while brother is stuck between mom (who is probably going through a manic phase) and dad (who has anger issues). As much as you would think I'd be decensitized to something as minor as divorce, the emotional devestation I saw in this kid was heart wrenching.

I had two clients hook up in rehab. Problem is thats against the rules. Other problem is they shared pills. Another problem: they are both married and not to each other. Intersting that just the relapse part came up to their spouses. The one was sooo out of it running into walls, stumbling etc and then denied there was a problem... They were both kicked out, and not for the relapse or even the hook up, but for not being honest about it. They are still in such addict mentality.

Brian's case closed! It was either DCFS pays for high cost placement, or we give him another shot with his mom and he can go to JJS. I just don't think a truancy case should've come into DCFS custody. The Judge agreed. I wished him luck and told him he has the chance to make it work at home. I don't think he actually will start going to school and behaving. 3 years ago I probably would've made a different decission, based on that knowledge, but now I feel that DCFS resources should be wisely used for kids who've been abused and neglected.

Today I was a bit frustrated with a coworker. I was helping that person out as they were behind and I've been working for a couple of days on this needed document for an upcoming review and its due tomorrow. I was frustrated because all of a suden it hit me that I was tired of it, its not my case, its not like this coworker is going to read this document, and I'm at the office working late to get it done and coworker isn't. I need to be more understanding as coworker has a lot on her plate. But I kept thinking of how I'm not exactly caught up on everything myself, and I'm at the office everyday, and often stay late. Coworker isn't. To be honest I was annoyed because I'm also behind with my gardening and daylight hours were wasting!