not bad

Been awhile since I posted anything, but things are going pretty good. Found a good home for Suzie when I was disparing of finding anything to meet her needs. The home has been fostering awhile, but not kids like Suzie. The fostermom seems on top of things and is geting some extra training so it should work out. At any rate finding this home is a huge relief!

My mom stopped by on her way through the state to take my little sister to college and I had just completed a home visit in a pretty large family with bio children and foster boys. My mom was suprised that anyone with young kids would take on teens. I guess I just take it for granted. Its a good thing some families do this otherwise most of my teens wouldn't have homes. I think its more of a personality and home set up that makes fostering work, not having an 'ideal' situation whatever that is. However I do worry that someday the supervision will slack a little as they become complacent and one of the little kids will be at risk. Its something I always worry about.

Sister is still doing well in her home. In this state there are some agencies that primarily use foster homes of a minority. These homes are generally awesome. The one problem I see is a language barrier. Most of my kids are Caucasions (ok currently all are) and speak only English. I only speak English and sometimes its hard for the families to understand what I'm saying. I just had an issue with trying to figure out a perscription, pharmacy, medicaid situation that I'm still confused about. I asked the agency to look into it as I don't think the family understands what I'm asking or recommending. This is frustrating, but if the family works out for Sister, then its the least of my worries.

Little Guy continues to do really well. I feel that now his agency and home are going to be able to really work with him as he is more aware and responding well to people. He will always be a bit quirky (high functioning autistic or maybe aspergers) but everyone that works with him -including me- really falls for the guy.

Jake and Celia's dad is back in jail for relapse, so is Jamie's mom. Actually those two "hooked up" in rehab and relapsed together. so wrong on so many levels including they are both married. I heard that rehab is a good dating service....

Jake and Celia are likely going out of state on an "extended visit" with maternal grandma since I haven't gotten the ICPC back. that process is sooooo slow and cumbersome. this gives their parents another month to try and have some stable housing and progress in treatment. sure hope they do as these kids want to be with their parents, more so then others I've worked with.

Mike's case continues to drag on. Team meetings are ridiculous. I really should rotate the case. Its my longest case (went to drug court for about 4 months in the middle) and I got it right after i finished training. I feel that someone with a new perspective might be better, but we have trial in August and so it doesn't make that much sense to switch it off. I hate transitioning cases. I feel such responsibility (and a bit proprietary) about my cases, but sometimes its a good thing. The problem is that I know if Freeda's case had gone to another worker she would've gone home instead of TPR and adoption. However proving me right is that the Freeda's (and Greg's) mom is relapsed and in jail AGAIN and so I feel that I made the right choice by staying on as the "evil, baby stealing, controlling" case worker that I am.

With Brian's case closed and more budget cuts I'm getting at least one new case sometimes soon.

better mood

So I think I was just really onry yesterday. My coworker was really greatful for my help and gave me a hug and then a cupcake. I'm not real demonstrative but appreciated the sentament. The cupcake was very tasty, so apparently I'm easily bought by some chocolate lovin.

I also was able to get more done on my garden because I got some help. The others in my home aren't really garden savy, but I'd already marked out where I needed holes dug and had more then one shovel. I ordered way too many plants from some of the cheapy catalogs, and they all came at once. I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere. I was extreemly proud of myself for not stopping to buy more today. i have a problem i'm willing to admit it, but not really do anything about it. I work with much worse addictions everyday.

I helped out another coworker today with some other documents. I found I'm much more motivated to do others' work then my own. I'm a master procrastinator for my own stuff and so doing someone else's work is great because then it seems like a legitamit way to put off my logs. unfortunately that backfires on me regularly.

Sister is finally getting enrolled in school. Can't locate a new foster home for Suzie, well found a couple of homes but none are a good fit. Suzie's mom and dad appear to be trying to work things out and get mom's mental state back under control.

Very worried about Jake and Celia's case, because their short term placement is coming to an end, but parents aren't in a place to take care of them yet. This one is getting way stressful.

Heard from the daughter of one of Celest's placements that they would be interested in adopting her, now that Sophie isn't able to pass a homestudy. I'll talk to Celest about it, but I think at this point she is ready just to move on to independent living programs. Nonetheless its got to be better knowing that people out there want to help her.

Held court for the L kids and something good is half way to happening. Its a strange case, but its going to be a happy ending. These kids were horrifically abused and almost didn't make it. Well the 2 older ones almost didn't make it. They are all recovering but the youngest will probably have the most long term damage because she was made to have a hand in the abuse. That is almost more horrifying to me.

Ashton's mom is writing more crazy emails and making life difficult for my supervisor and the foster mom. She has so much hate and anger towards me that she doesn't deign to communicate with me. Unfortunately for her, I'm actually rather grateful! Also, she was TPR'd (Ashton was wanting to be adopted, but changed his mind during the forever appeal process and as he is an older teen he gets to decide that) so I don't really worry about what she says.

ups and downs

Little Guy is doing so much better, better then I've ever seen him before. He is still funny and quirky, but he was interacting more with me and the other kids, and his smile could've lit up the world! Its amazing how much meds can help kids, and can really screw them up when their off.

Sister although bored is doing fine so far in her new placement. They let her set up an email account and she is really enjoying that. I figure it can only help her writing and reading so as long as they monitor it its great. Funny thing about sister is she only calls me after 8pm. I answered the first few days after placement, but now I'm not happy with this pressadent.

Then their are the other clients who habitually call me after hours, Saturdays and Sunday, who aren't low functioning... ok maybe I should rethink that statement.

Poor Suzie is having problems. She has done so much better regulating her emotions and everything these last two weeks. Then her foster home broke the news that they are moving and I need to find a new placement asap as they don't know when they will be leaving. ok. so I talked with the consultants and explained what I'm looking for... I would like to order Basically the same foster home, thanks. But they were fresh out. I do have some options and will see what turns up.

The other situation for Suzie is her mom left her dad and took the brother with her. Actually Suzie has it a little easier because she is in a stable home, while brother is stuck between mom (who is probably going through a manic phase) and dad (who has anger issues). As much as you would think I'd be decensitized to something as minor as divorce, the emotional devestation I saw in this kid was heart wrenching.

I had two clients hook up in rehab. Problem is thats against the rules. Other problem is they shared pills. Another problem: they are both married and not to each other. Intersting that just the relapse part came up to their spouses. The one was sooo out of it running into walls, stumbling etc and then denied there was a problem... They were both kicked out, and not for the relapse or even the hook up, but for not being honest about it. They are still in such addict mentality.

Brian's case closed! It was either DCFS pays for high cost placement, or we give him another shot with his mom and he can go to JJS. I just don't think a truancy case should've come into DCFS custody. The Judge agreed. I wished him luck and told him he has the chance to make it work at home. I don't think he actually will start going to school and behaving. 3 years ago I probably would've made a different decission, based on that knowledge, but now I feel that DCFS resources should be wisely used for kids who've been abused and neglected.

Today I was a bit frustrated with a coworker. I was helping that person out as they were behind and I've been working for a couple of days on this needed document for an upcoming review and its due tomorrow. I was frustrated because all of a suden it hit me that I was tired of it, its not my case, its not like this coworker is going to read this document, and I'm at the office working late to get it done and coworker isn't. I need to be more understanding as coworker has a lot on her plate. But I kept thinking of how I'm not exactly caught up on everything myself, and I'm at the office everyday, and often stay late. Coworker isn't. To be honest I was annoyed because I'm also behind with my gardening and daylight hours were wasting!

moving kids

I just got back from placing Sister in her new foster home. Late night, but I wanted to do it and I couldn't do it any earlier due to prior appointments. Sister is with a pretty good agency and they are confident this home is a good match. I hope so, but it still sucks. Sister was really happy and excited to be moving to her new home. Moving kids sucks. Sisters attitude made the car ride easier. I didn't have to try and convince her that this is a positive thing, but her response makes me worried. Does she just not get that she isn't going back to the home she has known for half her life? Is she just pretending to be happy (I don't think she is that sophisticated, but maybe its a survival technique?). Maybe some attachment issues, but I really feel she was attached to her last home. I feel like I will be waiting for the next shoe to drop. Is she going to have a big blow up? Is she going to cry tonight? I am.

Even when moving kids is the right thing (like in an "easy" removal) its still horrible. Sure its hard on me, but thats not the point. If its hard and stressful on me, can you imagine what it does to the kids? I know I'm preaching to the choir here on the trauma of moves. I don't know how many of you have done this before. Trying to stretch out what little details you have about where we are headed, and who will be caring for them to last the car ride. Trying to answer the unspoken questions of shell shocked children. Letting them know its ok to cry and be scared. Being scared yourself of what you will find when you knock on the door of an unknown foster home. What if the kid (especially a little older one) tries to run off before you get there (I had to hold down the lock button of a car once the whole way there as a child kept trying to open the door on the highway).

I've picked up methods or things I do to try and introduce the family, tour the house, go over basic rules but it doesn't really make it any easier. The look in the child's eyes as you leave... even if you are the one who took them away from their former home, even if this its a teenager with a long line of moves, their eyes plead with you to not leave them, not leave them alone with strangers. But you talk to them about how transitions and changes are hard, but this can be a good thing for them. I try and remember not to tell them to be "good" its not because they were "bad" that they were removed. Then even with their eyes on me I have to act cheerful and upbeat as I get in the car and head out.

There is a bit of a relief to be out of there, its uncomfortable and sometimes finding the placement has been so difficult, that I'm just greateful the child has a place to stay tonight. Some foster homes are good at breaking the ice, others not so good. Some try to be helpful and get me out the door so they can get on with getting the child into their family's routine. I like to stay and see the child get involved in things before I leave... somewhat settled in if posible. I don't know whats better, and schedules don't always permit that. Either way they still look at you. As I drive away I often cry. Or I have phone calls to make and let everyone know about the placement, tie up other loose ends. Take care of crisis that happened while you were trying to make the placement. Then I go back to the office and try and get things ready for the next day. Then I go home and cry.

Also I want to eat bowls full of icecream, and lots and lots of greesy food. Cheesburgers, fries, fried chicken, fried anything. Lovin from the window as I like to call it. I still want that tonight even though I'm not really hungry. hmmm and I wonder why I've gained 30 pounds since starting this job :)

breathe deeply

Last week sucked. Didn't feel much like writing about it and I was crazy busy. I got away for the weekend which was sorely needed. However, still have a lot of catching up to do.

Sister has burned her placement. She has been there for 5 years. I think this was inevitable, as the family had made it pretty clear that adoption wasn't an option. Hindsight is always 20/20 but I sure wish more had been done to find her permanancy while she was younger. Its sad, but cute younger kids are more likely to find permanent placements, so that shouldn've been taken care of as soon as the kinship options failed. Sister and Little Guy have special needs, so individualized permanency is their primary goal, but it sucks thinking of them eventually leaving care with no real family and so many special needs.

I was upset that foster mom didn't clue me in for 2-3 days on what was going on with her. I left a 4 minute long message to her consultant and then had to email her and appologize since I apparently needed to vent. Embarressed about it now. I sure wish foster mom had told me directly what was going on, but it all came down to just feeling so upset about Sister's situation.

She is really hard to place (which is to be expected), so I'm in a holding pattern with Sister at respite so she can keep attending her school, until I hear back from some agencies.

New case, lets call him Brian, gave me his word he wouldn't run again, not that I really believed him, but I was willing to give him a second chance. Foster family picked him up from detention at 7pm, and then promptly ran that night. His mom totally feeds into him and instead of calling the police, he convinced her to let him get some of his stuff and spend the night in exchange for turning himself in the next day (this was a day or two after he ran) he then ran off from her. Suprised? Well he is back in DT, and the next step is a residential placement out in the middle of no where. Just keeps making stupid choices, but perhaps he can get caught up with his education and work on some of his other issues.

Jake and Celia's mom had a dirty UA. Their placement is temporary so I'm not sure whats going to happen if the parents don't seriously get their act together. I think they will probably go to an out of state kinship placement, but don't know if the judge will go for that while we are still doing reunification services.

My team has started COW awards several weeks ago. At our weekly staffings, we each share a story from our caseload over the past week, and then vote for the case of the week. I made up a certificate with funny pictures of cows and if anyone asks its for caseworker of the week. It makes it kind of fun, and gives us much needed laughs. So many crazy things out there! I'm greatful that my cases are relatively calm right now. I'm still really upset and feel like a failure over Sister, but have to have some faith that things will work out. I continue to tell myself to breathe.

Tired

Sorry to anybody actually reading this blog. Its not very uplifting, and not very well written either. Its also become a bit of a "what I did today" blog which is going to get boring fast. I do have deep thoughts occasionally, but I tend to forget about them as soon as the next crisis appears. I know, excuses, excuses (as if I don't get enough of them at work).

Tired. Tired of people who should be helping, setting up other caseworkers for failure (this comes from another caseworker getting stuck with a really bad foster placement. They even pulled the license on this family, but then placed a difficult case with them- way to look out for each other and all that other stuff they talk about in training. The father couldn’t get over the fact that the 12 year old lied to him. Ummm even “normal” 12 year old girls lie... did he forget why this child is in foster care, cause I'm sure she hasn't.)


Tired of explaining to families what is expected, and then having them blame everybody for their short comings. Tired of kids making poor choice after poor choice. Tired of having no good answers. Tired of people ignoring suggestions that could work. Tired of the system that uses increasingly limited funds on families that aren’t willing to put forth any effort, while turning away families that are on the edge. Tired of the generational abuse that seems to say what I do doesn’t make much of a difference.

I've read on a couple of people's blogs about how the suggestion they get from their caseworker, is "have you tried a sticker chart?" I know with seriously mentally ill kids a sticker chart isn’t going to do anything, and chances are the worker knows that as well. I get how frustrating that must be for parents. The caseworker is frustrated too, and there are no easy answers. But the fact of the matter is that, token economies do tend to work for most kids. Even my kids in residential treatments respond to token economies or “sticker charts” (for the seriously mentally ill ones they have to first get stabilized, usually on meds). So with the caveat of not dealing with a serious mental illness read the following, if you still want to.

I'm tired of people saying, "I tried that, it didn't work." I strongly feel that it doesn't matter what you try, as long as you stick to whatever program it is (just ask Super Nanny :)). Charting or whatever you want to call it is important. It lets the professionals understand where we are with this kid. Sticker charts in and of themselves don't work, but giving a kid specific goals with specific outcomes does. Often the idea behind a token economy is breaking the day into minutes, sections, manageable pieces. Finding a childs’ triggers, motivation, etc is helpful. Finding places where kids can excel, and figuring out the kids' cycles is really important. Charting can help do all of this, just please don’t get stuck on the idea of a “sticker chart”. Not sure where all this came from. I just have an overwhelming feeling of Frustration right now.

Have you read "The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog" by Bruce Perry? I thought it was an interesting book. He did a presentation last year (or maybe the year before?) in our state and it was great to hear about the research they are doing, and the success they've had using his methods. He showed us that they've got a way to clearly map the missing pieces in a child's brain due to early neglect/trauma and how thier program helps fill in these gaps. But unfortunately his methods aren't available outside of their facility yet, that I've heard. This is frustrating to me.

This is one of the reasons I went into social work. I was actually drawn more to the scientific research and results in something like sociology, but came to understand that for me it isn’t enough to understand how or even why things happen, I need to do something.

Actually, I just looked up his site again, and they are offering some free courses to help people understand working with maltreated kids so there goes a useless rant. Nonetheless the feeling behind the rant still works. I’m fine with people making a buck, but if there is something that will help any of my kids, there better be a darn good reason for not making it available! (http://www.childtraumaacademy.com/)

I've had good things happen this past week, so not sure why its all negative. Guess I feel that way often on Sunday nights anticipating another fun filled Monday adventure.

all at once

My new case.... so I got him out of detention on Wednesday to take to a foster home, Thursday he ran away. Friday he called me demanding his clothes. I told him he didn't need them right now until we knew were he was going to be. He hung up on me. He called his mom several times trying to manipulate her into getting his stuff, and just causing her a lot of stress. Saturday he got picked up and is back in detention. So now I have to decide if we are going to try this again? Or do we go straight to a place where it is more difficult to run? Guess I will see what the detention judge says tomorrow.

Celest's potential adoptive placement didn't pass licensing. I'm disapointed but after meeting with the homestudy lady, it is the right thing. The homestudy lady, who really is neutral, in just a couple of meetings was really able to point out the specific concerns. I've been focussing on giving her a chance of permanency and stopped seeing all the red flags. I still feel really bad about this. Hopefully it won't feel like a total rejection for Celest. She turns 17 this year and so will be aging out of the system. That feels like a failure, probably because it is.

Little guy is really struggling too. I'm not sure what will happen with him. Court with his parents was wierd. Dad had an outburst and was excused from the court room. Sister got upset and had to leave while dad was having his out burst. Cleared it up with her, but the judge ruled that dad shouldn't have visits with sister or little guy. In writing this I realized that I forgot to follow up on that with the visit supervisor.

Greg is making really bad choices, and I worry he will blow another home.

Had a funny experience with Suzie and supervising her visit. Her parents were really worried about her being sick, but through the whole visit she was clearly trying to "one up" the symptoms of her legitamatly ill brother. I guess thats how she got attention. They wanted to end the visit early so she could go to the doctor. As it would be 7pm before I got her back to the foster home, I knew they wouldn't be taking her tonight. The parents volunteered to take her and after talking to the foster parents we went ahead with that plan. It was pretty funny because they had her tested for all sorts of things.

Tough busy week with lots of crisis all on the same day. I don't know why they can't space themselves out better!